Ma cheri, Claudette


Claudette was one of the oldest transsexual ladies we had on offer in our brothel, a surreal, ramshackle cartoon of a place, clinging on defiantly in a gentrifying bayside suburb of Melbourne. One of the oldest, but unchallenged for the title of meanest, Claudette insisted we describe her to enquiring trade as being “39…and some months.” Though ridiculous, no one dared defy her. She was still beautiful in her early 50s, blessed with fine, feline features and long thin limbs that’d...

Posted in Diet Swear Blog |

Murder in the jungle harsh enough for you Australia?


A person has died in an Australian prison camp in PNG, scores are injured. Trapped and defenceless, they were, according to advocates and people in the facility, set upon by PNG police and locals. I called Scott Morrison’s office a minute ago. I said, “I wish to convey my concerns about Manus Island please.” The receptionist made that nasal noise we women make when our lips are pressed and sucked very tightly together in annoyance, “mmm.” “Right,” she said. “Well...

Posted in Uncategorized |

Osher Gunsberg just blew my mind. (not in a good way.)


  I was working at Channel 10 when the news broke.  Part of the fun of working on a TV show is the gossip you pick up around the traps, and for a couple of days there, it was ALL about the new host of The Bachelor,  Osher Gunsberg.  The name glided across the screen in the sparkly promo we saw before everybody else.  Actually, I was late to the meeting, so everyone else in the room had seen it before me.   "Who's Osher Gunsberg?" I asked quite sincerely.  The other faces in the...

Posted in Showbiz |

And so, I say goodbye to Meshel, Tim and Marty.


I write this post at the request of Kirsty, a listener who commented on another post and then added that she’d like to read about my departure from drive time radio. I hadn’t thought about writing a blog on the matter, although the idea makes me smile immediately because Marty famously hates blogs and bloggers, having never read one himself. Of course Marty famously hates a lot of things - twitter, too much information on an information sheet, and all of my friends - but he loved our show,...

Posted in Showbiz |

Is it going to take zombies?


My husband is a zombie guy.  Oh he knows all about them; what attracts them, how to kill them, the latest science behind them, because he’s seen every zombie movie and TV show ever made.  It’s a strange and somewhat incongruous passion I think, for a mild-mannered 46-year-old artist, but that’s men for you.   They’re so good at keeping childhood fixations ticking along in the little shed at the very back of their minds, until middle age allows them to time and space to dust them off...

Posted in Diet Swear Blog |

Queen Bey and me.


  So much for the year of blogging seriously eh?  What a balls up. You can't complain about being overworked in my business.  It's a bit like admitting your kids are driving you nuts when everyone knows you went through IVF to have them.  It's like you forfeit your right to whinge like any other mother because you whinged so much about not being able to be one. The entertainment industry is a fickle mistress.  You can woo her for decades with barely a sniff of acknowledgment...

Posted in Diet Swear Blog |

My fondest hopes for you, my little destroyer.


I hope you will always know that girls who make you feel bad are crippled with self-doubt themselves and should be pitied, but never believed.   I hope you never think that Rihanna and Chris are fine and what's the big deal anyway?   I hope you understand that privileged, western women who say they aren't feminists are part of the problem.   I hope you never stop doing your bit to solve the problem.   I hope you'll never grant sexual favours to the undeserving,...

Posted in Diet Swear Blog, Uncategorized |

Meat me.


  I am sitting in my home, which is quiet and clean because my children are at their Nan's, and I am indulging in a little bit of that fabled "me time".  Some women will exercise their way through their "me time", but I don't know those ladies.  Some will pamper themselves by paying a pittance to young asian women to sand back and paint their enormous western feet, while they sit atop a back massaging throne reading old mags and nagging their husbands via text message.  I would be...

Posted in Diet Swear Blog |

Happy Australia Day


  Don't freak out, this is not a veiled "Invasion Day" post in which I'm going to try to make you feel guilty about anything.  That said though, I do believe we should ditch Australia Day, (hear me out!!!)  Instead we should have a long weekend every January called "Flag Fest" during which everyone is encouraged to display the flag in creative ways, or at least in bulk, to argue about the Hottest 100 and get a tattoo they don't understand.  Why over-complicate it? I'm quite serious....

Posted in Fight Racism |

am i cursed, or just human?


My husband, from whom I'm newly separated, is deathly ill with gastro. I've just done another food drop to his flat, which consisted more of fresh linen and anti-bacterial products than food of course, but it required a supermarket stop none-the-less. I had a work commitment this morning, the nanny was late, and I barely slept a wink last night dealing with the ups and downs of children and dogs unaccustomed to a Melbourne heatwave. The youngest, (but biggest) dog and I are just discovering that...

Posted in Charities, Diet Swear Blog |

I can give!